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AM I SHARING TOO MUCH?

I have mixed feelings on blogging about myself. I don’t know whether I’m vain or in need for attention, but there’s this urge to share what comes in to my mind and the insane hope of getting some love in return. This is the behavior of a child.

Since I was said four years ago to have a mental illness for most of my life without being aware of it, sharing my emotions became even more urgent. I found myself not needy but desperate for attention and love. As time passes, I’m getting more unbearable.

Somehow I have the idea that my opinions matter, that my rubbish is valuable contribution to a better world. Knowing there’s absolutely nothing new on my epiphanies, I take refuge on aesthetics, claiming to create new items of beauty that will boost the humanity within us. I think of myself as a kickass artist.

Sharing my views and emotional processing is the chore of my art, wich I take as universal, as part of the most intimate common ground we share as human beings. It would probably be wiser to keep this apart from the promotion of my services as a professional illustrator, but I can’t find a way of achieving that. It all goes in the same package.

You’re hiring more than a drawing machine, folks. Sorry about that.

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Ad Experiment

Image may contain: text that says "Não consegue vender ou comprar casa? Fale comigo. 919163460 nneves@htailors.com NUNO NEVES CONSULTOR DE NEGÓCIOS HOME TAILORS REAL ESTATE"

I decided to use my wallpapers on ads for my services as a real estate business consultant. In case they prove to be appealing I will conceive wallpapers specifically for that purpose, as it happened with some of the illustrations for the items on my Etsy shop.

One important issue is the fun I’m having with this. There is joy in the process and that is new to me. The freedom to use my aesthetic creativity to generate income gives me a sense of purpose and achievement. This is quite challenging for someone raised to hate money.

Self-employment or business owning is radically different from being an employee with a regular salary. One has to be proactive and in a state of alert for business opportunities to get food on the table and a roof to live under. Instability becomes the daily routine. I am hoping to get used to it and have fun in the process of watching my abilities being useful, both as a service and as generators of wealth.

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Am I Being Silly?

I sure have been over confident. I am making two digital wallpapers a day and quite certainly no one will ever buy them. I do make research on selling online, but something escapes me. Visits to my Etsy shop raised astonishingly and sales keep being sporadic. Taking the feedback into account, people seem to really like my designs. My prices are average, I guess. I wonder if my designs are nice to look at but too bold to wear. That might be applied to clothing, but not to mugs and stationery. Truth be told, I’ve been selling products from almost all the sections of my shop. But the pace is excruciating slow and the timing random, as far as I can perceive.

One motivation for creating my own business is having control. I make the decisions. I would really like to know which are the right ones to selling regularly and substantially. I hate competition but only competitive businesses thrive. Quality is not enough. Marketing is the decisive factor here. I’ve already written on that. I must learn the ways to make people feel the urge to buy from me.

NunoNevesStore must become essential on people’s lives. Buying from me should be a moment of happiness. This is so silly!

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I Can’t Sell A Damn Thing, And I’m Not Sure If I Want To

I’m really not good at this. Commerce is not my thing. The blog and the Etsy shop are only a desperate attempt to find an alternative to my soon to be abandoned job. I’ve been doing my best to leave in style, that is, without a gap between sources of income, but that is not going to happen. People like my stuff but only very few actually buy items. I find joy when people appreciate my designs and writings, but appreciation is not enough to make a living.

My job prospection feverishly continues with no results to date. Things were already bad before the pandemic. This is not unexpected. I held the fantasy of creating my own job, either through the Etsy shop, this blog or the freelance platforms. Nothing seems to work. I’ve been spending all my energies on becoming a commercial asset at the expend of creativity, but the sacrifice is useless. I now realize more clearly how ancient this effort is and to what extent it stole my life from me. It is at least as old as my professional career, which I intended to leave as soon as I would find myself able to survive as an author.

Things would have been much easier if my professional occupation was not such a violent and weary one. I had the naivete of believing that my love for learning and explaining as well as the importance I give to education would make me an inspiring teacher. I had my moments of success, among peers, students and parents, and some of the utmost dread. In time I reached to the point of burning out. I am totally uncapable of getting back to the classroom, no matter how I hold children in my heart. It is just too much for me. I gave my best until nothing is left.

All I want is a quiet job that doesn’t make me think too much and with enough wage too pay my bills. I’ve been applying for jobs such as warehouse operator, picking and delivery operator, supermarket operator, distribution driver, shop assistant and what not. Refusals succeed, but I still have hope.

I have this tendency to share my thoughts to the public as if they have some interest or value to others. I display my life craving for love. This vanity or personality cult is an awful thing, a weakness still out of my control. Advertising about my shop and blogging to attract potential buyers only make it worse. You have no idea of how much I long for the quiet simple job and the return to my cocoon of creativity, out of worries around commercial success and artistic recognition.