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I Can’t Sell A Damn Thing, And I’m Not Sure If I Want To

I’m really not good at this. Commerce is not my thing. The blog and the Etsy shop are only a desperate attempt to find an alternative to my soon to be abandoned job. I’ve been doing my best to leave in style, that is, without a gap between sources of income, but that is not going to happen. People like my stuff but only very few actually buy items. I find joy when people appreciate my designs and writings, but appreciation is not enough to make a living.

My job prospection feverishly continues with no results to date. Things were already bad before the pandemic. This is not unexpected. I held the fantasy of creating my own job, either through the Etsy shop, this blog or the freelance platforms. Nothing seems to work. I’ve been spending all my energies on becoming a commercial asset at the expend of creativity, but the sacrifice is useless. I now realize more clearly how ancient this effort is and to what extent it stole my life from me. It is at least as old as my professional career, which I intended to leave as soon as I would find myself able to survive as an author.

Things would have been much easier if my professional occupation was not such a violent and weary one. I had the naivete of believing that my love for learning and explaining as well as the importance I give to education would make me an inspiring teacher. I had my moments of success, among peers, students and parents, and some of the utmost dread. In time I reached to the point of burning out. I am totally uncapable of getting back to the classroom, no matter how I hold children in my heart. It is just too much for me. I gave my best until nothing is left.

All I want is a quiet job that doesn’t make me think too much and with enough wage too pay my bills. I’ve been applying for jobs such as warehouse operator, picking and delivery operator, supermarket operator, distribution driver, shop assistant and what not. Refusals succeed, but I still have hope.

I have this tendency to share my thoughts to the public as if they have some interest or value to others. I display my life craving for love. This vanity or personality cult is an awful thing, a weakness still out of my control. Advertising about my shop and blogging to attract potential buyers only make it worse. You have no idea of how much I long for the quiet simple job and the return to my cocoon of creativity, out of worries around commercial success and artistic recognition.

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The Prison Of Careers

We live in a time when our professional choices are for life, if we are lucky enough to have a steady job. Sometimes I wonder how things were before the existence of the social state. A world of classes, I suppose. Workers and bosses, slaves and owners. Unfortunately the social state has not taken bold steps yet. Politicians keep seeing both unemployment and careers as something they are not responsible for. Minimum conditions of dignity are still taken as negotiable.

Each citizen wastes the entire life dreading the loss of income enough for bread on the table. Once a job is acquired we must stick to the damn set of tasks because our lives literally depend on it. We may boast our pride for our freedom and democracy, but the truth is we still live in a society based upon fear. Some political wings keep believing and spreading the doctrine of fear as the motivation to work and prosperity.

If keeping the means to survive is so demanding, changing jobs and abandoning careers is insane. There is absolutely no social structure to endorse a citizen with free will to chose how to live. One might be totally bonkers to even pronounce such a blasphemy. Reality punches us in the face with the cold fist of supply and demand. We are not in this world to self-fulfillment. We’re here to be winners, to be successful, to become the few capable of making money pour into our hands. Even if that takes making our soul miserable.

Abandoning or keeping a career is a choice between two suicides.

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Make A Living

They ought to teach that at school. How to make a living? It is odd the bombardment with slogans on having success we all are exposed to since childhood. Even odder is using the term success to define the condition of having a job. Call me a leftish, a socialist or even a communist, I don’t care, but I see employment and dignified wages as basic universal human rights.

Instead of a strictly ruled unemployment allowance, state budgets must deliver to every citizen a guaranteed social income in order to eradicate poverty. The popular theory stating people wouldn’t search for work if they had enough money for food and shelter is, to my eyes, a plain fallacy. Some people might not work, but the large majority would look for jobs or start businesses to both enlarge their income and follow their talents.

I not only believe state budgets have more than enough money for this, specially with strong regulation of real estate prices, as I am sure this would be the smartest investment ever done. Consumption would rise, duly taxed, creative forms of businesses would flourish from potential entrepreneurs and a more sustainable and equalitarian economy would emerge.

Am I being naïve?